MIA Recently

Hey everyone (all 5 or so of you who actually read this lol). Sorry for being MIA so much lately. I’ve been dealing with some mental shit lately (no other word cones to mind unfortunately). I have been going round and round in my mind trying to keep those close to me from seeing that I’m slipping again.
I don’t know if its just that I’m embarrassed to be “relapsing”, or whatever the hell this is, messing with my mind. I don’t know if its just stubbornness having me think I can handle it by myself. Honestly, it’s probably a mixture of the two. I think I am in denial. I felt better for a few weeks.  Felt like myself again.

Then bam! Out of nowhere I’m crying every day again. I’m waking my boyfriend in the middle of the might with my panic attacks (he is super supportive,  god bless him). And I’m failing classes that I never would have even struggled with pre-depression.

So have I called my doctor? Have I tried to find a new therapist that I will connect with more? Have I told my family and counselors at school that I’m stuggling?

Well, that’s a big fat NOPE to all of the above. What is wrong with me? Besides the obvious that is.

Is it still called being in denial if you are aware of it? Or is it then just self-destruction?

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